Keyboard Commando, you’ve been promoted.

August 7, 2012

Thought I would share a response I made to a guy who decided to make a completely off-topic post to attack my liberalism even though the posting was about my aversion to Facebook and had nothing to do with politics. A character who calls himself “bw” commented: “Wow, a whiny liberal consumed with himself. How typical.”

To which I responded:

Dear BW,

This is Bill O’Reilly from Fox News. I just wanted to congratulate you and bestow upon you the coveted Keyboard Commando of the Week Award, given to angry white men who have nothing better to do with their time than to make random, off-topic attacks of “liberals” on the internet, whenever and wherever they can.

All you have to do to get your award is to put down your Cheetos, lift your overweight ass off your chair, step away from the computer, and come out from your keyboard command central HQ in the basement of your mother’s house. Although it will be hard to do, you will have to identify yourself and come out from behind the keyboard commando anonymity that protects you from the people you anonymously and randomly attack. Surely, being a good right-thinking American, you have the courage to do that.

In any case, mission accomplished and well done. We will have you photographed on the deck of an aircraft carrier in a leather airman’s jacket with a big “Mission Accomplished” sign behind you, just like our former great leader, GW.

And now, we have another assignment for you, since you are so eager to wage war for the good of America.

We know that you will do this without hesitation, because, as a good American, you always heed the call of your country when it needs you. Our country is waging a war on terror still in the mountains of Afghanistan and elsewhere. We know that you have–and continue to–vigorously defend the United States’ invasion of countries around the world in the war on terror. Since you have so often and loudly opened your big mouth and pounded your fat fingers on the keyboard defending these policies and attacking “liberals” who’ve been against them, we believe it is your duty to become a real commando and volunteer to fight on the real front lines. It is your duty to prove you are not a hypocrite and will actually yourself fight in the wars that you have no trouble sending others to die in.

What’s that you say?

You think our country is better served by you continuing to sit on your obese ass and eating cheetos and sitting in your mother’s basement and attacking liberals randomly and at will on the internet?

OK, we understand. We’re Fox News. We can’t argue with anyone fighting the good fight in polarizing the populace. Just keep drinking our Kool-Aid like you have, and please don’t pay any attention to that study that showed that people who listen to Fox News are less informed than people who listen to no news at all. I’m sure it’s all liberal propaganda, probably started by that Gravybread character.


a million doesn’t mean much

February 18, 2011

Sometime in the last few months this blog logged a million hits. I was not here to see this milestone, a marker that should have excited me. I couldn’t have cared any less than if it had been an Entertainment Tonight report on Kim Kardashian’s shoe collection. I would like to make the time to work more on the site. To scribe thoughtful musings and observations about the world, from my own skewed and presumably unique perspective. To regularly update the woefully neglected and yet somehow still popular Mega Super Mammoth music blog list–which is the real hit-puller on this blog. But, I just don’t have the heart for it. I started this thing with great enthusiasm and energy but things radically shifted; my priorities were upended, my sense of things passing too fast heightened, and thus my panic at the growing feeling of powerlessness and the realization of myriad regrets became too overwhelming to ignore. I had been toying with time, was still toying with time, and still am toying with time, and time is laughing at my arrogant devaluation of it, and now I can hear the laughter but can only tap dance and hope I’m not making myself too much a fool in the performance. Anyway, this is all a subterfuge and a diversionary way of saying that I have no idea if I’ll ever really be back here, in spite of what I may have said over at Mega Super Mammoth. I spend about 100 percent of my online time now over at Goodreads, where I engage with mostly intelligent people whose tastes for books and for knowledge help to sustain me and fill all the online socializing needs I will likely ever need. But, I’m keeping this place open. I still have all of my good poetry posted here, and maybe I’ll post a thought or two here, now and again.


the same person you knew

September 15, 2010

Despite how I’ve been no doubt characterized by people who haven’t a clue, I never stopped being me. I’m still the person who thinks about time multidimensionally. I’m still of the same heart. I’m still open to those who extend their trust. I’m still all of that. It never changed. No lies or brainwashing changed that.


In the trash you go

January 29, 2010

If you think you are going to use my comments area to push your products (eg., your username is a product or product type and your address links back to your business site) — and I don’t care how personalized your message is — then think again. You go straight in my trash — unapproved.


Why Facebook can eat my ass

January 25, 2010

There was a hellish place in the dim past I called high school where large chickens clucked around and plucked out my eyeballs, such was the clique-ish pecking order. The day I left it was like the removal of a weighty millstone chained to my leg. Then a year or so ago I joined this “place” called Facebook and I started noticing that people I hardly knew started acting like large chickens pecking out my eyeballs again and the old popularity contest/hierarchical social, peacock-feather-sporting, attention-whoring crap I remember from 30 years ago was again under way. Somehow I had voluntarily re-joined a high school clique of 20-somethings and much older supposedly grown people who barely knew one another, and I noticed how horny guys in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, me included, started hitting on all the women/girls and it was like a fucking horse race (or high school) with everyone jockeying for position (yeah, I “LIKE THIS” that you did some unremarkable mundane thing, and liked it only because you’re a hot chick) and me again realizing that I’ve never been popular and never will be and don’t need to be within yet another context that emphasizes it — being reminded of the greater popularity of others who, when feeling charitable, throw crumbs of validation my way — and I said enough of this fucking shit. And I bolted for good. If you can’t meet me for real, or call me for real, I don’t fucking want to have anything to do with you. If I’m not worth your time to call and really relate to, then to hell with it.
(Next: Why texting can eat my ass…)


Incinerating Facebook

December 22, 2009

Facebook is a pernicious polluting pox on the Earth, and I will be deleting my account there. Perhaps I will explain why in my next posting.


Downsized

October 13, 2009

So, this is the short story of why I haven’t been here much.

I fell in love with a girl last fall. Left the wife for a couple of months. The girl dumped me. I went back to the wife. We got along for awhile but were soon at each other’s throats again. I’ve left her three times since. Last week I lost my job of 22 years. My position and that of another colleague was slashed. My bosses had for budgetary and marketing re-positioning “new media” reasons cut the hard copy magazine that my editorial position had been created for back in 1987. So in recent months I’ve been an editor and writer on other things, but ultimately the organization couldn’t justify the salary they were paying me, which was one of the highest on the staff. So now I’m re-energizing and getting ready to pound the pavement. It was not a great surprise, which is why I’m not taking it so badly. They have to pay me for six weeks of unused vacation. I kept my vacation at max just in case they pulled this very shit. Anyway, I’m optimistic, but it probably means little time for blogging. In the meantime, check out my movie top 10′s list up there atop the bar on this page. The list is the result of a sickness I’ve harbored since I was a kid. Sorry I haven’t been able to check the comments and messages here; there are hundreds pending. But you know, I have to live outside the cyber realm. Soon. -EG


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