Shoot a Liberal Today; or How To Disagree to Disagree

July 31, 2008

Take a good look at this fucktard – the face of American neoconism 2008.

This is a Mr. Jim D. Adkisson. A few days ago he shot up a church in Knoxville, Tennessee, and killed a few people because he thought they and the church were “too liberal.” They were, in this hater’s world view, too tolerant of gays and other people who didn’t meet this upstanding churchgoer’s high standards of morality.

This jobless wonder was mad at the world, mad at the “liberal media,” mad at anyone he considered enemies of the ill-defined and ill-executed “War on Terror.” Mad at the Democrats for ruining the country.

Mainly, he was just mad at himself.

Mad, maybe, because he slept through history class.

Slept through the parts about how Republican Party stewardship of a laissez-faire economy in the 1920s led to the Great Depression and how, once that cataclysm hit, it continued to ignore the worsening crisis and let things fester on the policy that everything would right itself and be OK. After all, capitalism cares.

Slept through the parts about how a bold Democratic president decided that the United States was a better place than some dog-eat-dog bastion of barbarity and put in place safeguards such as social security and other safety nets such as welfare so that jobless Americans wouldn’t get sick and die like dogs in some Third World country when the great capitalist system abandoned them—safeguards all opposed by compassionate conservatives.

One of the legacies of this new deal was food stamps.

So just what program do you think this anti-liberal timebomb and hypocrite Adkisson freely and gladly partook of when this slouch of a grouser lost his job?

That’s right, food stamps, of course.

So when you hear of some conservative type bellyaching about the evils of liberalism, remind him or her about all the people who came before him or her—who in many cases risked their lives—to bring them the comforts that come about when progressives fight for fairer labor laws such as safety regulations and overtime pay and health benefits and food stamps and minimum wages and the countless myriad other things that capitalism and conservatives have always fought against.

And note that the only thing that was keeping his ingrate sorry ass alive was a liberal program—and, yes, he is still alive as we speak, while some dirty liberals he wanted to punish are dead or hurt. Some gift-horse taker, this guy.

Oh, and by the way, look at how this asshole chose to exercise his second amendment rights.

-EG

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080728/ap_on_re_us/church_shooting

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Turds for Obama to Sweep Up; or Why Hardcore Righties Want to Lose

July 2, 2008

Has it ever occured to anyone that maybe the hardcore Republican faithful want to lose this election? First, general discontent with the party is so rampant in the country that Obama almost seems a shoe-in. With that state of affairs, the right-wing core can sit back, relax, complain, and be indignant about a wishy washy nominee like McCain. Then, when he does lose they can say, “See, I told you he was the wrong candidate.” Could it also be that the adherents of the Grand Old Party are feeling so guilty about the wretched state of the country their bozo president has led us into that losing the election would be a form of saving face for them? After all, they’re too prideful to ever admit to the cascade of fuckups and moral bankruptcy inherent in the regressive policies that have resulted from the regime that they so enthusiastically backed. Thirdly, they can sit back and watch Obama struggle and drown in the mess that they have left behind [one of their favorite phrases] and thus say, “See, Obama can’t lead, is ineffective and has led this country into the shit, just as we predicted.” They are, in effect, handing Obama a turd and asking him to make lemonade. And they are ready to pounce on him for it. Then they can offer up another favorite Republican candidate to save us from the liberals. Genius.

-EG


Waterboard a Neo-con Today

November 1, 2007

waterboard.jpg (Interrogator straps Neocon to table, places cloth or cellophane over his face and begins to pour water over his head.)

Interrogator: “Admit that waterboarding is torture!”

Neocon: (moans, body squirms, head violently shakes in rebellious defiance.)

Interrogator: “Admit it! Waterboarding is torture! You can stop this now. Just admit it!”

(Hours pass and the neocon is exhausted, choking, almost dead from lack of oxygen. He finally makes a passive gesture of the head and fingers. He groans a barely audible “yes.” The cloak is removed.)

Neocon: “Yes, it is torture. I admit it. Please let me go.”

(The neocon is released. Later, he renounces his confession under duress.)

Neocon: “They were killing me. What the hell else was I gonna say? I was in pain. I had to do whatever I had to do to stop it.”

(On his way to work that day, the neocon–who so vocally supports the Iraq War–drives by an Army recruiting office. He declines to enlist.)

-EG


Would you rather work or play paintball?

July 5, 2007

I’m calling the lady who answers the phone in our office a secretary whether it’s politically correct to do so or not…
Anyway, the secretary walks from office to office here at my place of employment taking a survey and bearing a pad in her bony hands, stops at my door and says in her shrill Cleveland accent: “At the office retreat would you rather work or do paintball?”
paintball-01-50pct.jpgNot being a fan of fantasy violence, per se, but being even less a fan of work, I responded without hesitation: “Paintball…I guess.”

(BTW, this guy in the pic ain’t me.)

Hey, who knows, this aiming-and-firing- a-weapon thing could be a survival skill that might come in handy when the United States collapses into anarchy in the near future due to continued conservative fiscal and social irresponsibility.
This paintball thing comes at an interesting convergence of stuff that’s been a happenin’ lately to moi.
Last week at Goodwill I spied quite by accident and on a whim scarfed up a spanking new copy of the “U.S. Army Survival Guide” (2002 edition) for 50 cents. I mean, knowing how to dig a vole trap or assemble and tie off a tourniquet made from saplings and torn cloth or recognizing edible/inedible plants and dangerous snakes or how to keep a life raft afloat in stormy water could be useful knowledge, wot?
Over the weekend, for some inexplicable reason I had a hankerin’ to play a good ole Playstation first-person shooter, Star Wars Battlefront, which I used to be pretty good at and found out that I still was pretty good at—even though the virtual reality constant motion made me nauseous after a few hours.
My next brush with entertainment violence came in the past few days, as I had a jones to catch up on some obvious hit movies that I had missed, but which have conveniently been laying in a pile in the basement in my middle son’s DVD collection. This haul included Master and Commander, Hotel Rwanda and Gladiator. Lots of Russell Crowe being manly and commanding and warrior-like in a couple of those.
Oh, and a revisitation of Michael Moore’s Bowling for Columbine was in order, too. Oddly, on this viewing, I found myself more sympathetic to the viewpoint of the militia types in the movie, though not so much for Terry Nichols.
All pumped up from that lot, I went to my sister’s house yesterday for her annual Fourth of July illegal fireworks fun. Lots of rockets and ‘plosions in the driveway and throughout the surrounding neighborhood. We ‘Murkins loves our ‘plosions. The boys found some plastic toy soldiers and lit firecrackers under them and the limbs went a flyin.’ Perhaps for obvious reasons (eg., the state of things) I found this distasteful.
But, the coup de grace, my friends, I found out that my sister owns a paintball gun!
Here was my chance to get a leg up on the office competition. I’d get some experience firing this baby so when retreat time came, I blow away my fellow co-workers—or at least splay them with multicolored painterly marksmanship. Encouraging office workers to shoot one another … sounds like responsible management 101 to somebody I guess.
With all this smorgasbord of mayhem from which to choose, no wonder three parts ignorance and 1 part adrenaline constantly leads us into, well, what it leads us into…
God bless Amurka!
Evan G


Seymour Hersh Does it Again

June 18, 2007

Another superb job from Seymour Hersh: The General’s Report exposes what Rummy knew, and when he knew it—or more precisely, what he chose not to know—about the Iraqi prisoner abuse/torture… And how one real patriot, General Antonio Taguba, became another casualty of Bush’s assault on our military, and on the Truth.

Read it, or be like Rummy and continue to be in denial…


This is Why Cities Get Sued

May 23, 2007

100_0451.jpgWhat you’re looking at here is a foot-and-a-half deep hole on Langdon Drive next to Rolling Hills Plaza (a few steps away from the Dollar Tree) just off Westport Road in eastern Jefferson County (Louisville), Ky. This thing has been inviting car tires and unwary night walkers and bikers to fall into it for months now. It’s been there at least two months without anything being done about it, although I noticed this past weekend that somebody had finally at least put a caution horse with a reflector around it.

Somehow our society has money to waste in Iraq but not enough to fix minor yet potentially dangerous infrastructure problems like these. It’s about priorities, folks.

-EG


Anytime Annie Wants to Be Your Governor, But What Will She Do Without Bush & DeLay To Tell Her?

April 23, 2007

Kentucky Gov. Ernie Fletcher has never looked better.

Why?

Not because he’s tanned, well-tailored and impressive on the stump, which he is. And certainly not because of the arrogance, hypocrisy and scandal that have marked his administration.

No, he’s looking better because Anne Northup is saying bad things about him.
annie-creepy-smile.jpgThat’s right. Anne Northup—“Anytime Annie”—that stale, has-been, lazy-jowled leftover from the Bushie-DeLay rubber-stamp, do-nothing fiasco 109th Congress. Yes, that maverick leader who voted 91 percent of the time with the Bush-DeLay agenda.

Pulling out that dusty leather discredited old Republican smear playbook that worked so well for the GOP from 1994 to 2004, Anytime Annie proves she’s still ready anytime to go negative.

Of course, vulnerable Ernie has given her the ammo, but on matters that really count—including a morally bankrupt and administratively inept right-wing political philosophy that she and Ernie share 100 percent—Anytime Annie will never really truly criticize Ernie Fletcher.

Still, she wants us to believe, as her slogan goes, that “she’s the only Republican who can win in November.”

I doubt that my Bluegrass brethren out in Hogshit, Ky., believe that one any more than I do. I know very well that lots of folks out there continue to stand behind their governor, for good or ill, just like they do their president.

Rationality ain’t got nuthin’ to do with it.

I also know that discredited Anytime Annie calling Patronage Ernie bad things looks about as credible as Mussolini calling Franco a bad guy.

But, Annie wasn’t corrupt, you say? She didn’t dole out patronage. Or did she? Check out this example of Anytime Annie’s integrity.

So, I repeat, the more bad things she says about Ernie, the better he looks. Call it the “Anytime Annie Effect,” if you will. Go negative and angry, and make your opponent look better. If I was conspiratorially inclined, I might think she was working for Ernie’s campaign.

annie-on-the-tube.jpgBut more basically, and let’s just state it outright: We just don’t want to have to look at her exasperated leather face any more.

Or hear that whiny lazy slur as her tongue stumbles around in that mannish maw.

Or contemplate once again what a boring, uninspiring mediocrity she is.

Anytime Annie finds herself prisoner in an Escher-like conundrum: She’s more boring when positive; more interesting when negative. Sort of like how Anna Nichol Smith became more interesting when she killed herself.

Lest this smack of ad hominem, consider this:

Annie wants us to forget that it was just seven short months ago that we ran her outta town on a rail—along with the rest of her Congressional “yes-man” lot–for failing to check and balance a power-mad and ever-remotely arrogant chief executive hell bent on pursuit at all costs of an obsessive, increasingly irrational war, to the neglect of every other festering problem of the nation.

But Anytime Annie is ready and rarin’ to go again because, so she thinks, we owe it to her.

That’s right. She’s ready anytime to be a politician of some sort or another for Kentucky. Anything, anytime—Annie, by rights, should be elected to something big in Kaintuck. For someone who rails against entitlements, she sure comes off as somebody entitled.

In TV ads that mirror the excitement of her half-asleep slurred speech, Anytime Annie says she’s gonna do something about health care and education and the like.

I guess the opposite of the way she did nothing about those things for 9 years in Congress.

annie-serious.jpgWell, she did do something, voting yay on the $400 billion Medicare Bill that Bushie signed into law in 2003—an occasion celebrated with champagne corks popping in boardrooms across the country as the top 1 percent laughed at the rest of us 300 million suckers who were going to pay out the ass with our own taxes for a law written by—yes, the health-care CEOs themselves.

And what thanks did Anytime Annie get for voting the way she was told, anytime she was told to? The disrespect of half the state and Congress and President Bush, none of whom—even after 9 years—seemed capable of pronouncing her name right. You’d thought she was an heiress to the Northrup aviation empire, as many times as she was called that. It’s understandable in Bush’s case, of course; he can’t pronounce anything—plus his war brain dances with visions of military contractors such as Northrup.

Rather than list them here, I’ll let The GOP Auction House give you the record and loyalties of Anytime Annie as well as the disastrous legacy of the leadership of her and her fallen Congressional compadres.

Is that the kind of governance we have to look forward to, Anytime? More years of inertia and corporate welfare?

As a governor, Annie, you’ll have to do something called consensus building. There’ll be no Big Daddy DeLay to build consensus for you like before; none of that “vote like I say, or else” kind of consensus that the lockstep zombie Republican Congress-folk got used to. Nope, it ain’t that easy anymore, Anytime.

The one thing Congresswoman Annie had going for her, along with her fellow DeLay-ites, was doling out lots of taxpayer money on wasteful pork for their districts to help keep themselves in power.

In press release after press release, Anytime Annie, like her mentor Free $peech Mitch McConnell, boasted about how she was bringing home the bacon for homefolks, as if the bacon was hers (and his) to begin with.

Time and time again, Mitch and the Bitch forgot to mention the fact that me and the 3.5 million other Kentuckians funding the pork should have been the ones mentioned above the politicos in those press releases. If it’s my own goddamned money I’m getting back, then how is somebody giving me anything? They ain’t, that’s what.

Like Poke Salad Annie, Pork-Barrel Annie rustled up the dole-outs, including lotsa collards and hamhocks of the faith-based variety to curry favor with the Republican disinclined African-American wards.

She went black, and still she never went back—‘cause she got shitkicked out.

annie-nerd.jpgAnd you have to question the efficiency of any political campaign that would put me on Anytime Annie’s email list. They couldn’t have found a less sympathetic voter to spam. Is that the kind of efficiency we can expect from her as governor?

Like the first Anytime Annie—a morally loose gold-digging chorus girl in the classic 1933 film 42nd Street—our Anytime Annie pretends that she wants you, forcing a smile like a weary street whore. But her haggard eyes tell you the real story.

Like a political crack whore, she needs to get off the stuff and get a real job. Would somebody please give her one and get her out of our sight? I’m sure she can do something productive.

annie-headlights.jpgYet, Anytime Annie still wants us to believe that she can fix all the things as governor that she ignored or worsened while in Washington and mend all that has gone wrong under her fellow Republican Ernie.

Do you really want to give her that chance?

-Evan