Keyboard Commando, you’ve been promoted.

August 7, 2012

Thought I would share a response I made to a guy who decided to make a completely off-topic post to attack my liberalism even though the posting was about my aversion to Facebook and had nothing to do with politics. A character who calls himself “bw” commented: “Wow, a whiny liberal consumed with himself. How typical.”

To which I responded:

Dear BW,

This is Bill O’Reilly from Fox News. I just wanted to congratulate you and bestow upon you the coveted Keyboard Commando of the Week Award, given to angry white men who have nothing better to do with their time than to make random, off-topic attacks of “liberals” on the internet, whenever and wherever they can.

All you have to do to get your award is to put down your Cheetos, lift your overweight ass off your chair, step away from the computer, and come out from your keyboard command central HQ in the basement of your mother’s house. Although it will be hard to do, you will have to identify yourself and come out from behind the keyboard commando anonymity that protects you from the people you anonymously and randomly attack. Surely, being a good right-thinking American, you have the courage to do that.

In any case, mission accomplished and well done. We will have you photographed on the deck of an aircraft carrier in a leather airman’s jacket with a big “Mission Accomplished” sign behind you, just like our former great leader, GW.

And now, we have another assignment for you, since you are so eager to wage war for the good of America.

We know that you will do this without hesitation, because, as a good American, you always heed the call of your country when it needs you. Our country is waging a war on terror still in the mountains of Afghanistan and elsewhere. We know that you have–and continue to–vigorously defend the United States’ invasion of countries around the world in the war on terror. Since you have so often and loudly opened your big mouth and pounded your fat fingers on the keyboard defending these policies and attacking “liberals” who’ve been against them, we believe it is your duty to become a real commando and volunteer to fight on the real front lines. It is your duty to prove you are not a hypocrite and will actually yourself fight in the wars that you have no trouble sending others to die in.

What’s that you say?

You think our country is better served by you continuing to sit on your obese ass and eating cheetos and sitting in your mother’s basement and attacking liberals randomly and at will on the internet?

OK, we understand. We’re Fox News. We can’t argue with anyone fighting the good fight in polarizing the populace. Just keep drinking our Kool-Aid like you have, and please don’t pay any attention to that study that showed that people who listen to Fox News are less informed than people who listen to no news at all. I’m sure it’s all liberal propaganda, probably started by that Gravybread character.


The Fix is In – Soaring Winter Heat, 2008; or, Just Who Says So? And If We Know So Much Now, Why is Nobody Acting to Avert It?

August 6, 2008

Here we are in the summer of 2008 and already at mid-year, the local and national news has been fed the directives from its corporate masters and informed us that winter 2008-2009 will be appallingly expensive if you, as a human being who needs to avoid freezing to stay alive, want to heat your home. So, I want to know, who told them this? Where has this information come from? Which executives sat down and decided that home heating will be expensive this winter? Give me some names! Who are they? How do they know so far in advance what is going to happen? The media never tells us. We’re just told that the word comes somewhere from on high, so get used to it and tough shit if you don’t like it. History tells us in times of heavy speculation, prices soar. Guess what’s a popular commodity for speculation right now? That’s right, oil and gas. The fix is in folks. Let’s see if the corporate-owned politicians in either of the corporate-owned political parties will do anything about it when it hits. And, since we already know so much in advance, why is nothing being done these many months in advance to stop, avert, or ease the situation, or ensure fairly priced energy to average citizens? We have several months to take actions, but instead we’re just told we have several months to brace ourselves. Last winter, people had to borrow money to heat their homes, or got so far behind in their payments that they’re still playing catch up. Why are basic necessities that used to be manageable, marginal expenses in the monthly family budget, like heating and health care, now luxuries affordable only by Rockefeller types? The more deregulation we’ve gotten, the higher things have gone—which completely puts the lie to all the BS right-wing promises. Old people and families will freeze this winter, but that’s OK; it’s the free market, after all, and that’s the highest good to which we can aspire. Right? Remember when those Enron energy managers were overheard on an infamous telephone tape laughing at making a killing by shutting off power plants so that California’s grandmothers would have to pay out the ass for electricity? It’s happening again, folks. And what kind of answers do we get from apologists for this kind of system? None, just the usual nonsolutions, defense of the energy status quo and tired diversionary epithets: “Communist!” “Socialist!” “Whaddya want companies to give the energy away for nuthin’?” So, just what kind of fucking country and world is this becoming? Who runs the law in this country, corporations or citizens? Congress can pass a price cap in two seconds if we all demand it. But that won’t happen because we know who really runs the country. The Boston Tea Party looms; the warm cushy mansions harboring the fat and satisfied few will be invaded; the revolution is coming folks, and I’m there. -EG

Home Energy Prices Are Expected to Soar (at New York Times) http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/06/business/06fuel.html?ref=business


Shoot a Liberal Today; or How To Disagree to Disagree

July 31, 2008

Take a good look at this fucktard – the face of American neoconism 2008.

This is a Mr. Jim D. Adkisson. A few days ago he shot up a church in Knoxville, Tennessee, and killed a few people because he thought they and the church were “too liberal.” They were, in this hater’s world view, too tolerant of gays and other people who didn’t meet this upstanding churchgoer’s high standards of morality.

This jobless wonder was mad at the world, mad at the “liberal media,” mad at anyone he considered enemies of the ill-defined and ill-executed “War on Terror.” Mad at the Democrats for ruining the country.

Mainly, he was just mad at himself.

Mad, maybe, because he slept through history class.

Slept through the parts about how Republican Party stewardship of a laissez-faire economy in the 1920s led to the Great Depression and how, once that cataclysm hit, it continued to ignore the worsening crisis and let things fester on the policy that everything would right itself and be OK. After all, capitalism cares.

Slept through the parts about how a bold Democratic president decided that the United States was a better place than some dog-eat-dog bastion of barbarity and put in place safeguards such as social security and other safety nets such as welfare so that jobless Americans wouldn’t get sick and die like dogs in some Third World country when the great capitalist system abandoned them—safeguards all opposed by compassionate conservatives.

One of the legacies of this new deal was food stamps.

So just what program do you think this anti-liberal timebomb and hypocrite Adkisson freely and gladly partook of when this slouch of a grouser lost his job?

That’s right, food stamps, of course.

So when you hear of some conservative type bellyaching about the evils of liberalism, remind him or her about all the people who came before him or her—who in many cases risked their lives—to bring them the comforts that come about when progressives fight for fairer labor laws such as safety regulations and overtime pay and health benefits and food stamps and minimum wages and the countless myriad other things that capitalism and conservatives have always fought against.

And note that the only thing that was keeping his ingrate sorry ass alive was a liberal program—and, yes, he is still alive as we speak, while some dirty liberals he wanted to punish are dead or hurt. Some gift-horse taker, this guy.

Oh, and by the way, look at how this asshole chose to exercise his second amendment rights.

-EG

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080728/ap_on_re_us/church_shooting


Reality Check from Smirking Chimp: Even If We Drill in the US, We Don’t Get the Oil.

July 24, 2008

The Smirking Chimp provides a reality check for all you gung-ho let’s-drill-for-more-oil-in-the-US-of-A cheerleaders, with the article: “Even If We Drill in the US, We Don’t Get the Oil.


In Memoriam; or How the Late Senator Jesse Helms Helped Me Personally

July 14, 2008

I didn’t want the recent death on July 4 of North Carolina Sen. Jesse Helms (1921-2008 ) to recede too far into the past before offering my own tribute and thanks to that great, stalwart naysayer of Congress.

Never mind that I detested just about everything the man said, did or stood for.

Nevertheless, Jesse Helms—though he did not know it—helped rescue me from many an embarrassing social faux pas, and he did so in a practical, effective real-world way.

Let me explain.

Those of you out there who are hormonally active heterosexual males know that a state of excitation in the presence of interesting females can cause tumescence in the nether regions. In other words, the presence of hot girls can cause a hard on, also known as an erection.

In a public, social setting, this phenomenon of pants bulge certainly can be disconcerting, embarrassing and not at all desired.

The fastest and surest way that I ever devised to combat this occurrence was to imagine in my mind’s eye Sen. Jesse Helms standing and ranting before the Senate, naked to his underwear, his folds of nude fatness bulging and drooping and shaking like jelly all the while.

With this image in mind, my erection would shrivel in seconds flat. It NEVER, NEVER failed to work. Never.

So, thank you, Sen. Helms, for being of some use to this nation’s red-blooded Amurkin fellers (and their little fellers).

-EG


Turds for Obama to Sweep Up; or Why Hardcore Righties Want to Lose

July 2, 2008

Has it ever occured to anyone that maybe the hardcore Republican faithful want to lose this election? First, general discontent with the party is so rampant in the country that Obama almost seems a shoe-in. With that state of affairs, the right-wing core can sit back, relax, complain, and be indignant about a wishy washy nominee like McCain. Then, when he does lose they can say, “See, I told you he was the wrong candidate.” Could it also be that the adherents of the Grand Old Party are feeling so guilty about the wretched state of the country their bozo president has led us into that losing the election would be a form of saving face for them? After all, they’re too prideful to ever admit to the cascade of fuckups and moral bankruptcy inherent in the regressive policies that have resulted from the regime that they so enthusiastically backed. Thirdly, they can sit back and watch Obama struggle and drown in the mess that they have left behind [one of their favorite phrases] and thus say, “See, Obama can’t lead, is ineffective and has led this country into the shit, just as we predicted.” They are, in effect, handing Obama a turd and asking him to make lemonade. And they are ready to pounce on him for it. Then they can offer up another favorite Republican candidate to save us from the liberals. Genius.

-EG


What the Library Means To Me; or Let the Heads Roll; or For Once, I Told Ya So

November 7, 2007

Yesterday, the voters of Louisville staged a tax revolt, and despite what all the opinion surveys were saying prior to the election, I went on record last week predicting the Library tax would go down to defeat. And it did. That’s because, unlike all the privileged and well-appointed elites in the Library Yes TV ads (Mayor Abramson, David Jones, Denny Crum and the like) who urged all of us paycheck-to-paycheck working schlubs to give up yet more of our shrinking salaries, the rest of us at ground level were listening to our neighbors. The neighors who, like me, are paying too much for health insurance, gasoline, milk, home heating and all the other things that somehow the inflation statistics never seem to realistically indicate. As I said before, I consider myself on the left of the political spectrum, but on this issue I bonded with my conservative friends. Based on the responses to the vote by the library PR folks, I’m still wondering if they really got the message of what happened yesterday. They had a freeze-dried ready response to make it sound like they won, even though the tax was shot down handily. “It’s a win, because at least we got people talking about the library.” Well, maybe so. But at the same time the library keepers were still fast to shoot down Rep. Hal Heiner’s bond plan. Like the opposers of the 86/64 plan, such people have their views set down in dogmatic stone. Heiner’s plan might be all you get, so don’t be so arrogantly rigid. It’s best to go for it while the interest in the libraries is high, or the momentum will be lost as people become preoccupied with the other ongoing realities of their lives. The message of the voters yesterday was clear, and it is this: “We want better libraries, but we don’t want a tax increase to do it.” That can be done. But to do it, some stubborn people will have to let go of their coveted plan A, and stop dismissing all other plans as unworkable. They are not unworkable. So grow up and get to work.

-EG 


Waterboard a Neo-con Today

November 1, 2007

waterboard.jpg (Interrogator straps Neocon to table, places cloth or cellophane over his face and begins to pour water over his head.)

Interrogator: “Admit that waterboarding is torture!”

Neocon: (moans, body squirms, head violently shakes in rebellious defiance.)

Interrogator: “Admit it! Waterboarding is torture! You can stop this now. Just admit it!”

(Hours pass and the neocon is exhausted, choking, almost dead from lack of oxygen. He finally makes a passive gesture of the head and fingers. He groans a barely audible “yes.” The cloak is removed.)

Neocon: “Yes, it is torture. I admit it. Please let me go.”

(The neocon is released. Later, he renounces his confession under duress.)

Neocon: “They were killing me. What the hell else was I gonna say? I was in pain. I had to do whatever I had to do to stop it.”

(On his way to work that day, the neocon–who so vocally supports the Iraq War–drives by an Army recruiting office. He declines to enlist.)

-EG


Seymour Hersh Does it Again

June 18, 2007

Another superb job from Seymour Hersh: The General’s Report exposes what Rummy knew, and when he knew it—or more precisely, what he chose not to know—about the Iraqi prisoner abuse/torture… And how one real patriot, General Antonio Taguba, became another casualty of Bush’s assault on our military, and on the Truth.

Read it, or be like Rummy and continue to be in denial…


This Here is a Louisville Blog; Let it Be Known

June 15, 2007

louisville-skline.jpgHaving been almost fully dependent on my bike for more than a year now, I’ve more clearly noticed the surroundings and all the good things I used to ignore as I tooled around in an auto in this here hometown metropolis of mine, Louisville, Kentucky, USA.

At some point during the process yesterday of adding lots of new links to my “Louisville, Ky. Stuff” blogroll over there at page right, it occurred to me that this is a damn fine city.

louisville-waterfront2.jpgI didn’t always think so.

I’ve been to a few other places: Chicago, San Francisco, Atlanta and so on, and been impressed by what some of those cities have done. San Francisco is the most beautiful city I’ve ever seen; Chicago is the most exciting (I’m probably the only person I know who still has never been to New York City, but I’m sure that would be even more exciting).

By contrast, Louisville to me seemed a backwater, a surrogate target of my own scorn, maybe even a reflection of self-loathing and an inferiority complex.

louisville-4th-stlive.jpg

Part of that notion might also be due to the influence of various well-meaning but misguided local businessmen and “leaders” who think we need things like professional sports teams and giant new stadiums so that we can be like Indianapolis or Atlanta. There’s a certain unseemly penis envy about this kind of manly inferiority between cities. Who the hell wants to be bigger, more congested and more polluted, anyway?

Louisville isn’t going to have a better quality of life or be better loved by locals or more admired by outsiders just because it has a pro basketball team. That’s dime-a-dozen shit, and pea-brained thinking to boot.

louisville-cherokee.jpgBy getting out and about more, I’m discovering what makes Louisville unique and different. And none if it has to do with, nor will it ever have to do with, having some tax-sucking sports franchise that costs the average family $200 a game.

But, getting out of the car and getting around on my own power has opened my eyes. I breathe the open air and feel the atmosphere around me better perhaps. I’m more curious to explore, and more fascinated by what I see.

Part of that has to do with aging, and part of that maturation has to do with seeing the positive in my own back yard.

I’ve come to realize that we’ve got it pretty damned good in good ole Louisville.

louisville-gallop1.jpg

Consequently, an almost embarrassingly maudlin sense of pride about my hometown has overtaken me of late. I might even be perfectly happy to spend the rest of my days here.

Why that is would take a lot of pages to explain, and would sound too much like I was a shill for the convention and visitor’s bureau. Anyway, this organization has named our River City/DerbyTown USA/Lou-a-vuhl one of America’s 30 Most Livable Communities.

louisvilleshakespeare.jpgAs far as culture and recreation go, we are really wanting for nothing in this town. We have nationally respected theatre (stuff has premiered here at Actors Theatre before becoming hits on Broadway), opera, ballet, a fine orchestra, dance groups, literary groups, chamber ensembles and a Bach Society, a bohemian strip along Bardstown Road where edgy indie bands play and great restaurants abound and every hot young thing wants to be seen, classy gentrified and beautifully restored and preserved 19th-century neighborhoods and downtown iron-cast storefronts, a good library and universities, a super art museum with a real Rembrandt, a recently developed recreational waterfront on the Ohio River, triple-A minor league baseball in a spiffy new riverfront park, and unique museums and other attractions all over the place, including a planetarium and an old steamboat.

louisvillepalace.jpgThe Louisville Place has to be one of the most stunning venues for live and film entertainment in the country.

.

.

.

.

louisville-thunderover.jpgNot only do we have the Kentucky Derby, but we have a Derby kickoff event that has far surpassed it in scope and attendance, Thunder Over Louisville, the largest annual fireworks display on the continent.

.

.

.
louisville-art-glass.jpgAnd there are lots of funky nooks and crannies that make a city a real city, not just a collection of big suburbs surrounded by a tiny core of pathetic buildings that lack cultural cohesion and breadth (I’m thinking, of course, of Kentucky’s second-largest “city,” Lexington).

.

You’d be hard-pressed to find a hipper music store than Ear-X-Tacy anywhere else in the United States, or a better video store than the amazing Wild & Woolly Video, or a funkier bookstore than the rambling All Booked Up—all of them on Bardstown Road.

louisville-bar.jpglouisville-jazz-factory.jpeg

In Louisville we can go to a jazz nightclub, or turn on our radio 24 hours a day and hear Beethoven or Mahler or Duke Ellington or Tom Waits or Stereolab. That’s because we have three topnotch public radio stations. Very few cities this size can boast that.

And if we want to get our rocks off we can go to Louisville’s vast, evil network of adult businesses, and there are lots of them all over louisville-at-night.jpgtown, from the Lion’s Den to Priscilla’s to Deja Vu to Frederick’s of Hollywood to message parlors and escort services and gay bars. You see, a lot of us ’round these parts figured out that sex is natural and necessary and a basic human need. In fact, Louisville just oozes and reeks with dirty, filthy sinful SEX. Ewwww, gross.
But if you want to go to church here, there are even far more of those around—for all denominations and faiths. And there’s country line dancing too at Coyote’s nightclub.

 

louisville-4thstreettrolley.jpg

So, we are weird, in a good way. We are diverse and eclectic and eccentric and stark raving mad in a joie de vivre sort of manner. In other words we are not bland or banal or predictable or stuck in a go-nowhere dusty vacuous stark and repressed past or satisfied with everyone’s else’s low-bar expectations.

Exhibit A: Hunter S. Thompson came from here. And if you’re really hip, you know about Slint.

louisvilleyorkstatue.jpgFor these things, of course, the rest of the state of Kentucky hates us. And that just makes me fall in line in loyalty to my city all the more. Louisville pays the bulk of taxes for this Commonwealth and gets far less back in investment in return. And the gratitude we get for this is concealed jealously and scorn and stupid laws aimed against our progressive, cosmopolitan ways by the legislators who prefer to answer to the retrograde Rev. Billy Bob Chickenplucker types from Hogshit, Ky.

Hate and ignorance aren’t good enough for Louisville.

A similar vibe struck me a few years back when some fundamentalist-type southern Kentucky relatives of my wife—nice and polite folks, I’ll grant you—visited us at our suburban Louisville home and we took them out to Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom amusement part next to the fairgrounds. That’s all well and good, but that’s all they wanted to do. They didn’t want to go downtown and see other attractions with a true local flavor because they were “afraid” of crime. Never mind that Louisville’s crime rate is low—or that they’d be more likely to be struck by lightning on their rural spread than mugged on our city streets. Expanding their cultural horizons was really what they feared.

louisville-slugger-big-bat.jpgThrough political fashions, including the 30-year trend toward electing conservative Republicans in practically every office in this state, the mayoralty of Louisville has remained staunchly and solidly Democratic, as has our aldermanic board. That’s because people here like solid, competent, dependable leadership, and prefer not to trade good basic governance for irrelevant, divisive ideology. God doesn’t make government work, thinking and working people do.

Although he has enemies as all politicos do, long-time Mayor Jerry Abramson (or as one local radio DJ calls him, “mayor for life”) is probably the most liked politician in the country.

.
Meanwhile, our Republican governor, Ernie Fletcher, can’t even get our downtown I-65 bridge painted properly without corruption and in a reasonable time…

louisville-waterfront3.jpgSo are we arrogant and elitist here in Louisville? Well, when you’re clearly superior, why the hell not be?

As in the past, I intend to post more stuff about Louisville in and among my other various ramblings. My intention is to keep the blog split about 50-50 between Louisville stuff and other various non-Louisville related topics.

louisville_sistercities.jpgAs I tool around on my bike with my digital camera, I’m snapping pix like a fool. What I hope to cover are people and things that the local media and others ignore or miss. Some of it will be ugly and some beautiful.

To me, even some of the ugliness is beautiful. Industrial ruins for instance; the despised and forgotten corners of Louisville’s past.

I hope to talk to poets and street people and people who ride the buses, and report what I find.

I recently interviewed Louisville’s number one atheist. I have some good snaps of this unique individual and his mission and hope to have an article on him soon.

I want to photograph the interiors of funky musty bookstores and other unique venues.

I will wax nostalgic about past people and places in this here town
louisville-belle-of.jpgI might even complain about some of the bad things that plague us here: the unpredictable weather and heinous summer humidity, smog and pollen and the shitty Keystone Kops way our police do traffic control during special events and so on.

Whatever the case, I hope you can take the journey with me.

.
And in case I haven’t made it clear yet, Louisville is fuckin’ cool.

-EG

—photo credits/ All images were borrowed from publicly displayed and openly accessible websites/ if anyone has a problem with their images being displayed here, please tell me and we can either take it down or re-do the photo credit to suit your needs:

louisville-ky-derby.jpg

Louisville Skyline at night found at Louisville Metro Guide.

Thunder Over Louisville by Gene Burch found at Gene Burch Photography