Shoot a Liberal Today; or How To Disagree to Disagree

July 31, 2008

Take a good look at this fucktard – the face of American neoconism 2008.

This is a Mr. Jim D. Adkisson. A few days ago he shot up a church in Knoxville, Tennessee, and killed a few people because he thought they and the church were “too liberal.” They were, in this hater’s world view, too tolerant of gays and other people who didn’t meet this upstanding churchgoer’s high standards of morality.

This jobless wonder was mad at the world, mad at the “liberal media,” mad at anyone he considered enemies of the ill-defined and ill-executed “War on Terror.” Mad at the Democrats for ruining the country.

Mainly, he was just mad at himself.

Mad, maybe, because he slept through history class.

Slept through the parts about how Republican Party stewardship of a laissez-faire economy in the 1920s led to the Great Depression and how, once that cataclysm hit, it continued to ignore the worsening crisis and let things fester on the policy that everything would right itself and be OK. After all, capitalism cares.

Slept through the parts about how a bold Democratic president decided that the United States was a better place than some dog-eat-dog bastion of barbarity and put in place safeguards such as social security and other safety nets such as welfare so that jobless Americans wouldn’t get sick and die like dogs in some Third World country when the great capitalist system abandoned them—safeguards all opposed by compassionate conservatives.

One of the legacies of this new deal was food stamps.

So just what program do you think this anti-liberal timebomb and hypocrite Adkisson freely and gladly partook of when this slouch of a grouser lost his job?

That’s right, food stamps, of course.

So when you hear of some conservative type bellyaching about the evils of liberalism, remind him or her about all the people who came before him or her—who in many cases risked their lives—to bring them the comforts that come about when progressives fight for fairer labor laws such as safety regulations and overtime pay and health benefits and food stamps and minimum wages and the countless myriad other things that capitalism and conservatives have always fought against.

And note that the only thing that was keeping his ingrate sorry ass alive was a liberal program—and, yes, he is still alive as we speak, while some dirty liberals he wanted to punish are dead or hurt. Some gift-horse taker, this guy.

Oh, and by the way, look at how this asshole chose to exercise his second amendment rights.

-EG

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080728/ap_on_re_us/church_shooting

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In Memoriam; or How the Late Senator Jesse Helms Helped Me Personally

July 14, 2008

I didn’t want the recent death on July 4 of North Carolina Sen. Jesse Helms (1921-2008 ) to recede too far into the past before offering my own tribute and thanks to that great, stalwart naysayer of Congress.

Never mind that I detested just about everything the man said, did or stood for.

Nevertheless, Jesse Helms—though he did not know it—helped rescue me from many an embarrassing social faux pas, and he did so in a practical, effective real-world way.

Let me explain.

Those of you out there who are hormonally active heterosexual males know that a state of excitation in the presence of interesting females can cause tumescence in the nether regions. In other words, the presence of hot girls can cause a hard on, also known as an erection.

In a public, social setting, this phenomenon of pants bulge certainly can be disconcerting, embarrassing and not at all desired.

The fastest and surest way that I ever devised to combat this occurrence was to imagine in my mind’s eye Sen. Jesse Helms standing and ranting before the Senate, naked to his underwear, his folds of nude fatness bulging and drooping and shaking like jelly all the while.

With this image in mind, my erection would shrivel in seconds flat. It NEVER, NEVER failed to work. Never.

So, thank you, Sen. Helms, for being of some use to this nation’s red-blooded Amurkin fellers (and their little fellers).

-EG


We Don’t Need No Stinking Pensions Anyway

June 25, 2008

While the CEOs of the American oligarchy continue to reap obscene bonuses and raises, even when their profits and share prices slide, “our” legislate-whores—the ones who constantly kowtow to these captains of magic paper wealth (not so much of industry any more)—are voting to make life worse for average working people.

Instead of trying to find ways to fund future pension needs, Kentucky’s piss poor General Assembly “leaders” are taking the easy, expedient route to ensure the solvency of the state’s public pension fund by, voila !, reducing the amounts it will pay out in the future.

I’m sure that among all the charts and graphs to which those brave souls refer in making their decisions is the one showing how the cost of things will be staying the same or going down in the future?

They call it a pension “reform” bill. Reform, of course, rarely means what it once did, which was improvement. Now it just means cutback, and underlying that is the same insulting “code” philosophy that was behind welfare reform: those lazy bums are sucking too much off the public teat. Never mind that state workers pay their dues for decades in order to reap this so-called exorbitance.

But hey, what other kind of decision-making would you expect from these wannabes. After all, they’re only following the example of their CEO heroes, the ones hailed as geniuses for coming up with the original idea of cutting payrolls to boost profits. Wall Street always lauds them and corporate boards always reward them handsomely for it.

The legislators have gotten the message, cut the heart out of the peons and everything will work out OK.

“We live in dangerous times,” says an expert whose company protects CEO’s from kidnapping and other threats.

Yes we do, and just why might that be?

If there is a coming revolution, breakdown, apocalypse or whatever in this country, our so-called leaders are bringing it on themselves. –EG

House to Vote On Pension Reform Bill (Courier-Journal)

Keeping the CEO Safe Can be Costly (Wall Street Journal)

Why CEOs are Giggling (Jim Hightower)

-EG


Tim Russert This, Tim Russert That

June 16, 2008

As another year was ending a few years back, a chemistry professor once wrote me an email noting the great and somewhat astonishingly fortunate news that, yet again, not one scientist of any kind, be it astronomer, physicist, chemist, or whatever, had passed from this Earthly life in that particular year of Our Lord A.D. I mean, he said he watched the TV news and read the newspapers and could find nary a word on the passing of notables in those fields. Yet, anyone who’d had some measure of fame as a talking head on TV always seemed to get wide coverage.

I don’t watch TV much, so when practically everybody last week expressed their shock to me that Tim Russert, the NBC news/talk show host, had died, I had to really probe the recesses of my memory to try and figure out who that was. I thought I knew who they were talking about, but I had to go on the internet and check and make sure my recollection was correct. It was, and I have to admit, perhaps shamefully, to being underwhelmed by the information.

For people who watch a lot of TV, it was cataclysmic news. Which is perhaps an indication that we need to be watching less TV and get some perspective.

Frankly, I’m far more concerned about the mole that I’m going to have to kill that’s been digging up my tomato garden. When the time comes that I have to decapitate it with a shovel, I will grieve greatly that I had to resort to such an action. The poor thing just wants to live, but at the same time my family and I have to eat and no animal is going to ruin all the effort I’ve put into this thing.

It’s too bad Tim Russert died, and died too young. He did seem to be a talented man. But it’s kind of funny to watch the media overdo things when one of their own dies.

A lot more people died in Iraq last week, but that’s old news.

-EG


When Weirdos Ask Good Questions

March 2, 2007

Against my better judgment, I’m becoming a fan of Coast to Coast with George Noory.

You know, whacko overnight radio.

Radio where people call in claiming to be psychics or have visions of Armageddon. People who have had sex with aliens. Lotcoast_to_coast.jpgs of conspiracies are forwarded, nearly all of which Noory seems to agree with.

It’s the old Art Bell show. (Semi-retired Bell only hosts the show on Sundays, typically).

The show is good from the get-go, from the moment the deep-voiced announcer gravely intones the various continental phone numbers: “West of the Rockies, George Noory can be reached at…”

A whole vast sweeping continent in the midnight dark ready to tell ghost stories. It just gives you a chill.

I find myself drawing the curtains, lest I be startled by a peeping grey alien.

Red Elk the shaman discusses his dreams of a coming cataclysm. Indian mythology, Jesus and aliens all get jumbled together in a tasty melange.

Breaking news.grey_alien.jpg Seven-foot-tall reptilian beings have been spotted in the French Quarter in New Orleans. No, it’s not Mardi Gras. The witnesses are credible, so verifies the guest UFOlogist.

Somehow, amid of all this Weekly World News fodder, a seemingly legit story manages to find its way into the mix.

Did you know that honeybees are disappearing, en masse?

That’s right. The honeybees that pollinate vast swaths of American agriculture land are flying off and simply not returning to their colonies. Absent massive numbers of bee corpses, where are the bees dropping dead?

This is not a bogus story. It has made CNN and the pages of the New York Times. Pesticides, genetic mutation, global warming? Nobody knows why it’s happening. But the effects on the honey industry and on agriculture in general could be devastating.

And I wouldn’t have known anything about it if I hadn’t listened to Coast to Coast.

My old reporter’s instincts told me to check and verify with other sources, and so I did.

But the danger of shows like Coast to Coast, of course, is that the ignorant and gullible don’t know when to distinguish the fantasies and the lunatic conspiracies from the legitimate stories.

But tabloid radio is little different from the mainstream media in that regard, as old-line TV networks sell out their hard-news reputations for celebrity gossip “specials,” pedophile-entrapment series’ and opinion shows masquerading as news.

It really takes an enquiring mind to sift the wheat from the chaffe.

Another good example is Alex Jones’ Infowars site.

Jones’ perspective/worldview is of the old right-wing (non-neocon), libertarian, isolationist sort. Which means among Jones’ loopy, looney labyrinthine coalex_jones-bw.jpgnspiracy theories about the evils of the New World Order and big government, he is nonetheless asking a lot of surprisingly good and hard-hitting questions. Questions which governments and the mainstream media have not satisfactorily answered.

Take a cursory glance at his site and you’ll see a lot of points on which to agree. It’s just his over-arching conspiracy construct that taints some otherwise good observations.

Jones is presently battling the BBC over a provocative 9/11 conspiracy incident that makes the British network look like an accessory to an evil plot.

Jones and other 9/11 conspiracy buffs allege that many minutes prior to the collapse of World Trade Center Building Number 7 (the Salomon Brothers building), a BBC reporter announced its collapse on the air. Somehow the BBC had been “tipped off” but then mis-timed the collapse announcement.

Yet at the same time the reporter announces the collapse, a time-stamped video shows the building still standing, directly behind her left shoulder. It’s on the web, you can see it for yourself.

What does it prove? Was it merely a mistake, or proof that the building was slated for demolition as part of the fear campaign that would sweep a fascist New World Order into power?

Instead of saying Jones’ allegations are hogwash and offering proof of same, the 9-11.jpgBBC counters with (to paraphrase), “it’s old news, and anyway, we’ve lost our 9/11 tapes.”

The latter statement has raised flags at rival news networks. The idea of a major news operation “losing” or misplacing its 9/11 footage stretches credulity.

Rather than making Jones and other conspiracists eat crow, the BBC has added fuel to the fire. The conspiracy, so it seems, is deeper than previously thought.

The end result: Now it looks like Alex Jones is really on to something.

The 9/11 conspiracy theories don’t persuade me, but they are understandably appealing because they allow people to assign evil to particular cabals. Evil men behind closed doors are methodically and consciously planning world domination.

It’s comforting, in a way, to blame the man behind the curtain. It’s more orderly and understandable than messy everyday reality.

But, in truth, bad things happen in the world for more banal reasons, mainly having to do with the attainment and hoarding of money. Everyday corporate machinations are too dull. Blaming a system is a nebulous prospect for the population. Finding a Darth Vader is much more graspable.

So when you engage the fringe media, enjoy the goofy parts, and think deeply when, occasionally, they hit upon some damned good questions.

-Evan