“Wives that Don’t Like Farts”

I knew it wfart-flame-tiny.jpgould come to pass; it was just a matter of time.

So far you folks have been, surprisingly, squeaky clean. You’ve used nice, wholesome G-rated words and phrases to find my blog: MP3 being the most common.

One of the most addictive aspects of having a blog is looking at your statistics throughout the dfart-book-small.jpgay: what words people are typing into Google to get to your site; which sites have linked to you and generated surfers to your blog; how many page views you’ve gotten that day, and so on. Is the stat chart going up or down or staying steady? Have any websites added me to their blogroll today? The blog stats know and tell all.

One person typed “Diana Rigg hot”—a certainly understandable inquiry—into Google or some other search engine, which led them to a recent entry I had posted about my fantasy chicks of the ’60s.

But what can we think or say about the person who typed the phrase: “wives that dont like farts” [sic], into a search engine? And more confoundingly to me, how did that string of words lead them to my blog? What motivated the inquiry in the first place is something I probably don’t want to know. Oh, the man’s poor wife…

fart-sexy-tiny.jpgObviously this intrigued me enough to write something about it and—ironically—in order to find images to illustrate this piece I had to go into Google’s image search engine and type—you guessed it, the same kind of search terms: farts, wives farts, fart face, and several similar combinations. No doubt someone checking search terms there is equally confounded.

Whatever the case, I’m pretty certain just from anedoctal and empirical observations that wives generally don’t like farts, or more precisely, farting husbands.

However, as it always does, the Internet yields up a darker subculture of people who do, in fact, find farting a turn on. One of the Google images I found fart-face-bush.jpglinked up to a site called “fartingsexy.com.” One quickfart-laura_bush-crop.jpg look at its homepage—with sphincter imagery and the proclamation, “Ladies That Like to Fart and Burp”—and I high-tailed it outta there (no pun intended). Oddly enough, now that this is written, it will make perfect sense that—when someone types “wives that don’t like farts” into Google—they will be directed straight here.

And they will be disappointed.

-Evan

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10 Responses to “Wives that Don’t Like Farts”

  1. gravybread says:

    Hey Steve,
    I’m not sure if I should be delighted or afraid that I have a doppleganger. I’ll drop you a line soon. I’ve got to establish a new email account to correspond with my increasing blog contacts. Will be doing that soon. At any rate, you’re obviously a man of distinction and taste. -EG

  2. Steve says:

    Not to worry, I’m not a bloggerstalker.

    Wasn’t that with Tim Conway? … the Apple Doppelgänger?

    I look forward to hearing from you,

    Steve

  3. gravybread says:

    Steve,
    Holy shit! I actually didn’t know that Conway had a character called that, or didn’t remember it. BUT I was just thinking about Tim Conway this morning on an unrelated matter. And I NEVER think about Tim Conway. And you bring up Tim Conway at the same time!!!! (cue Twilight Zone music….)
    -EG

  4. Steve says:

    He was in “The Apple Dumpling Gang” … it was a joke.

    No wait … t’was a palindrome.

  5. gravybread says:

    The palindrome of Bolton would be Notlob, as they say on Python.

    Anyway, I was so spooked by the Tim Conway mention that I missed the joke.

    -EG

  6. Steve says:

    Well thank your lucky stars you caught the second bit … I was about to relegate you to the “Bin of the Insufficiently Referenced.”

    Pretty odd about the Conway thing though.

    Oh, I know you’re busy, but I think you’ll like my latest on Big Bad Swing … it’s one of my favorite albums.

    http://bigbadmusic.blogspot.com/2007/04/doug-sahm-last-real-texas-blues-band.html

  7. gravybread says:

    “The Bin of the Insufficiently Referenced…” Anything but that! The ignominy is too horrendous to contemplate.
    -EG

  8. Cheap Paintball Guns…

    I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you….

  9. Steve Downing says:

    Hey Evan,

    Long time no see. I’ve got something I’d like to send along that I didn’t want to leave stranded out here in the archives.

    Can you drop me a line?

  10. unligenly says:

    Solid information.. i will come back,,

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