So far you folks have been, surprisingly, squeaky clean. You’ve used nice, wholesome G-rated words and phrases to find my blog: MP3 being the most common.
One of the most addictive aspects of having a blog is looking at your statistics throughout the day: what words people are typing into Google to get to your site; which sites have linked to you and generated surfers to your blog; how many page views you’ve gotten that day, and so on. Is the stat chart going up or down or staying steady? Have any websites added me to their blogroll today? The blog stats know and tell all.
One person typed “Diana Rigg hot”—a certainly understandable inquiry—into Google or some other search engine, which led them to a recent entry I had posted about my fantasy chicks of the ’60s.
But what can we think or say about the person who typed the phrase: “wives that dont like farts” [sic], into a search engine? And more confoundingly to me, how did that string of words lead them to my blog? What motivated the inquiry in the first place is something I probably don’t want to know. Oh, the man’s poor wife…
Obviously this intrigued me enough to write something about it and—ironically—in order to find images to illustrate this piece I had to go into Google’s image search engine and type—you guessed it, the same kind of search terms: farts, wives farts, fart face, and several similar combinations. No doubt someone checking search terms there is equally confounded.
Whatever the case, I’m pretty certain just from anedoctal and empirical observations that wives generally don’t like farts, or more precisely, farting husbands.
However, as it always does, the Internet yields up a darker subculture of people who do, in fact, find farting a turn on. One of the Google images I found linked up to a site called “fartingsexy.com.” One quick look at its homepage—with sphincter imagery and the proclamation, “Ladies That Like to Fart and Burp”—and I high-tailed it outta there (no pun intended). Oddly enough, now that this is written, it will make perfect sense that—when someone types “wives that don’t like farts” into Google—they will be directed straight here.
And they will be disappointed.